Prepared? Who Me? No. Never.

Before I bore you with details of my crazy life the last week, I am excited going to tell you about my adventure yesterday. So. Aniela and I are out shopping all day because I have been extremely overwhelmed with my circumstance the last week, so I needed to get out and spend money and grocery shop. I am always prepared when I shop, especially at Wal-Mart. I get out my very convenient shopping cart cover for Auni, I wipe the bars (she likes to eat them, geez she likes to eat everything), grab the sanitizer and the shopping list, oh' yeah and not to forget the wallet etc. Then we head in. I tend to dilly dally because I love to shop! BTW The following information is rated "R." But yesterday, I had a bathroom emergency. YUCK! I hate using Wally's bathrooms (they are NEVER clean). But, what was I to do? So I grab Auni, my purse, and leave the cart in the doorway and run to the toilet. Oh' Sheeza! What am I gunna do with my Auni, I can't leave her on the floor. Grrr. Well. I put her in my lap. And there she sat until I had to the do the infamous wipe clean. So I stand her up, barely holding on to her, OMG, this is getting too detailed. Anyways, it was VERY complicated.

And you thought that was the end of my brutal honesty? LOL. NOT!

So I hear the rain pouring on the roof, and I look at Auni and say, Uh Oh! We better get an umbrella. Well its time to leave and I go out the front door and to my amazement, its not just pouring, its more than pouring! OH SHEEZA! Now what do I do? Wait? or Go? Because these clouds look awfully horrendous. And they don't seem to be hurrying. GO!

Poor me. Auni was well protected, but me, well I should have just gotten naked and taken a shower, I WAS DRENCHED! So needless to say Aniela experienced her first downpour and mommy experienced one of her first real sacrifices of comfort.

Prepared? Me? Well of course I was prepared, but not for all that!

HOW RUDE!!!

Ah. Michelle Tanner. What ever happened to Full House anyways. I loved that show!

So... last week I was doing a little shopping - as we are moving within the next two weeks and I really need to replace a lot of our stuff. Disclosure: Side NOTE: And why is it that Wal-Mart always HAS to be the cheapest place to shop, yet the most welcoming miserable place to shop? Well this time was no different than any other experience I have at Wally's World. Grrrr.

At this particular Wal-Mart, there is a walk way that goes up the whole middle of the parking lot. And it being the first time I have ever shopped there, I was trying to figure out which side has the non-grocery items. Well. I stopped in front of the door to see which side I was on to let patrons cross (Isn't that what you're supposed to do?). Well according to "Ms. Viola Swamp" from the Wal-Mart parking lot, NO! You are supposed to keep driving through. WHAT???

I look to my right/passenger side, and I see A VERY ANGRY OLD WOMAN SCREAMING AT ME! Oh CRAP, I think to myself, of course I thought the worst. Did I almost hit her? I am thinking now! So I roll down my window, she walks over to the driver's side and SCREAMS at me, "THIS IS NOT A PARKING LOT." And she walks into the store. WHAT? I am totally confused. So I sarcastically politely say, "Mam, I am sorry if you're having a bad day, I hope the rest of your day is horrible blessed!" 

Who'da thunk somebody would get pissed for stopping at the crosswalk for someone to walk through. WOW. Again, I am completely confused.

Regret and Demise

I never thought I would ask myself this question, "Do you have any regrets?" and actually answer, "Yes." I would tell you everything I have done, every mistake I have made, every decision, and every person I have lost or gained along the road, has been/and somehow changed my life and ultimately made me a better person. However, there is one mistake that is unforgivable, one mistake I can't seem to shove under the rug. And often, just as last night, I live in deep contempt for my selfish choice. 

When I look at my life, I always usually see the good stuff. I see how far I've come and how much further I know God wants to take me. But occasionally, I find myself envious of other peers who seem to have it better. And then just now I hear God tell me, "Stop putting me in a box!" Let me explain: I have spent 8 years of my life going to school to get an education because I was taught that is what you are supposed to do. I spent the first 6 years of that education curious about what God's ultimate plans were for my life. And knowing this world, and knowing that sometimes we get curve balls were not prepared for, I knew getting an education was "the ONLY thing to do." So I did it. But my misfortune, and possibly lack of financial expertise, regrettably caused me to apply for loans. And the part I regret most, is that it felt so good to just "pull" out money that seemed almost FREE, so I did. Little did I know it would be the one thing keeping me from fulfilling Gods plans for my life. So, I continued to live off private loans for seven years. 

But again, ultimately, this is one of those mistakes that you just can never foresee the burden until you are right in it. I find myself asking questions like, "Damnit Autumn-Rose, why were you so selfish? You could've just got a T.A. job with your 4.1 gpa (from HS) and never would've had to go to college?" Then I start thinking about how come in our financial system in America, where we're supposed to be FREE, do we feel so burdened. "Why did they make it so easy for me to get money?" And, "Why didn't you just stop while you were ahead?" How come I can look around and count AT LEAST five moms who are without college degrees (and potentially without this massive debt), stay at home moms, and who just recently bought a house and are extremely happy! Yet, my family can't get beyond this to buy a house and for me to feel comfortable enough to stay-at-home. URRRGHHH! I just want to scream and beat myself up! WHY!!!???

I just can't find comfort until I know that my mistake will not negatively affect the lives of my family. and DAMNIT NO ONE CAN PROMISE ME THAT!

Any moms out there, please help! Please share your burdens with me. Am I naive to believe your lives are so perfect?

NOT REGRETTABLY HIS^

Autumn-Rose

What a happy, healthy girl...

I think instead of catching you all  up on the past couple of months, I'll just start from here and begin with you this next phase of our lives. Maybe now and then I will write of my struggles, lessons, triumphs and sorrows of the last couple of months. (Who really wants to hear it all anyways?)

But for today, please watch as my little girl eats lotion gets in trouble for getting into the lotion!

For Grandparents and those far away...

Auni's First taste of Cornbread, Yum! 

Auni's getting ready for swimming! She loves to swim.

My little Auni is not so little anymore! Uh!