In Honor of Mother's Day...

I dedicate this blog to mommy...

My Mommy -
she is my best friend
she knows me better than anyone
she will always have a special place in my heart
she completes me in more ways than one could imagine

Mommy has taught me everything I need to know about to be a mother! If I know what it is like to be a mom, it is because she has taught me how. I love her unconditionally. I can not wait to have her by my side to welcome me into motherhood!!!

MARVEL - here is a shout out to you... Toby and I are wishing you a VERY HAPPY MOTHER'S Day and even better a VERY VERY VERY HAPPY (You know what) BIRTHDAY!

Additionally... many mother's have touched our hearts... in inexpressive ways... we want to thank you all... Do I need to name names? You know who you are! And we hope this day is all about you!

And to leave on a bang, we have a VERY special story to share with you. This story is special because we share something that happened this week which relates to "motherhood!" ENJOY

On Wednesday afternoon, Autumn (me) spent the afternoon in the presence of the most loving mom I know. We were on our way out the door to enjoy a great dinner (PIZZA!), when I was caught off guard by my belly (this happens often). I went to search this feeling with my hand (again as I often do) to find our baby girl's heart just beating away. Okay, so this is not the type of beating you feel in a pulse. This was actually her heart I felt! OH MY GOSH! So I said, "Mom come here, you have to feel this! I feel her heart!" She melted just as I did. We both had our hands there feeling this pulsing miracle continue to beat. She must have had her heart pushed up against my belly (their skin is so thin - they have few muscles yet).

When I got home, I was so excited to find her heart again so that Toby could enjoy this miracle taking place as well. There is nothing like it! There are no words to describe the joy that fulfilled me in those moments. I am truly amazed at God and his miracle of creating this baby inside me. WOW!

BTW - if you missed it... the comment links are now working... Please let us know what you think about the new layout!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

He that is in me is GREATER!!!

I know ... I know... I know...
If you got a chance to check out the time stamp on this blog, then you noticed its the middle of the night. Truth is there is something that has been weighing on my mind which has kept me up in the middle of the nights and kept my face "puffy" with crying.

Tonight in my escapades of tears I felt
comforted by more than the hand of my husbands.


For months now I have feared so many things. It wasn't until recently I noticed my fears began to get more intense. Laying there tonight I pondered if these fears stemmed from pregnancy or something more. As I lay there unable to speak because I was overwhelmed with weeping, God began to speak to me.

First let me share with you some of these fears. Within the last couple of years I have felt like someone very close to me has sort of "disappeared" from my life. This person has recently had quite the affect on my emotional health. I am not sure exactly what happened to us, or what battle I have to fight to get this person back, but emotionally I am so tired, I have almost "given up." The fear I have is that this person will get too far away from me and it will be too late.

There is also this inundating fear of "birth"... not so much the epidural, anymore - remember I addressed that in my last blog?! But just fear in general, the pain, the unknown, the humility, the after-pain, even the fear of motherhood. I am not sure what it is... well I wasn't sure until tonight... but this fear continues to take the life out of me everyday. I think I have wasted the last two months of what should have been enjoying my pregnancy.

There are little fears here and there that build on the "generality" of either of these fears mentioned above. So as you can imagine, I have spent the last couple of weeks either taking my emotions out on my husband or pleading for his comfort. Its either one or the other extreme; nothing in between. I remember laying in bed last night and telling him, "Toby I am so tired of fighting. I don't even know what I am fighting. But emotionally I can't do this anymore. I am falling apart."

Today was a rough day for me... I pleaded with God for comfort, I even practiced the relaxation techniques taught in birthing class this past weekend. Of course staying busy always makes time seem to go by faster and we tend to put our true problems on hold until we are alone again free from distraction. Well... no matter how I tried to avoid it today, it was going to come to me; I was going to have to face "whatever was happening." I tossed and turned as my precious husband snuggled me and comforted me in his arms.

Would you believe just as I turned to comfort him and hold him as he holds me every night, I broke out into tears. They were tears that Toby had told me all day were due to come soon; he knew I was holding back. So he just held me so tight in his arms and calmed me,

"Shhh... it's going to be okay... just let it out..." he kept saying.
Then he said to me,
"Who can be against me when God is for me?"
You might recognize this paraphrase of Romans 8:31.



After hearing those words, I began to thank God for making my husband into the Godly man I had always asked him to be. My tears began to subside and while he was still holding me I began to cite over and over again,

"He that is in me is GREATER than he that is in the world."
Paraphrased from 1 John 4:4


As I continued to say this verse over and over again, you would not believe the peace I felt. My tears were wiped away and I felt so reassured. God gave me the greatest picture just then and I had to share it.

You see for all these months I had been battling and I wasn't sure what for. But the battle became so clear to me within those few short minutes. I was fighting the demons of this world, not satan, because I would never give him that type of credit. But here I was laying there and it hit me like a pan over the head. For those of you who know me all to well know I have dreamed of the day when I would be a mommy. Who knew approaching this dream would bring me so much sorrow. Well perhaps the enemy of this world, the one that wants so badly to take away what is so rightfully ours.


God began to make sense of this verse I was citing over and over again - listen carefully... "HE that is IN ME, is GREATER, than he that is in this earth." From the day I gave my life to God, I gave him my soul, my body and my spirit in all that it is; every last form. So that means that this baby girl of mine, that God created IN ME, she must be the HE THAT IS IN ME!

You see the battle of this world, the one we fight as Christians each day is the battle of the angels and demons. The angels always win, because HE is GREATER!


I consecrated my baby girl to God from the moment Toby and I created her in Gods love. We gave her a name that means "Angel consecrated to God" and for the last two months we call her by that name so that she will always know she is an angel of Gods.

My first job as a mother, which starts right now, is to remember that there is a battle going on right now for my baby's soul. But see... he that is in this world can not have her soul, because HE THAT IS GREATER had it first, and HE IS GREATER! I know, as I heard tonight, this battle is going to rage on, as all battles do, but let me assure you that I intend to fight in this battle and fight as I hard as I can.


Some of you may not understand this spiritual battle I speak of. But it is very real. If I consider and look at all the things that bring fear to my heart, they are all things of this world, and they are all things that ultimately could win the soul of my baby's. I have been wagering in this battle already, I just didn't know what it was for. But now that I know it is about this precious girl that God has blessed me with, I want to fight so much harder. And I will win.

Today, in the midst of my sorrow, I was listening to KLOVE (a Nationwide Christian Radio Station). There was a woman on there who was speaking of her daughter she caught that morning singing a praise song. This little girl was no more than five years old and she was belting it out! The mother came to watch this miracle take place and fell to her knees. Her little girl of only five years was worshipping the GREATEST GOD! I came home and told Toby of this little girl, and I said to him, "Can you not picture our little girl doing the very same thing and making us fall to our knees?" I can't wait to see what an angel she will be. I have great hopes for her. I have images of her walking with thousands and teaching them of the only thing that can bring them peace and love, GOD! I have images of her singing praise songs, especially in times when we need it most. I have images of her bringing a light unto the many family and friends I have that still do not know the Lord. I have an image that this little girl is greatly going to change the lives of those around her. While I know these are only images and nothing is promised, I have faith in my God to fulfill these desires and wants. And I have enough faith in my prayers to never cease believing she will do all these things!

"For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Psalm 33:4

"Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 97:10

"Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." Psalm 145:13

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" Psalm 46:10

Research paper and Childbirth class

Dear Faithful readers,

I reflect today on this weekend! What a wonderful weekend it was. Where to start?

It started with the completion of my Research paper... Teaching a Child with Autism... which is mind you 35 pages long and counting... no it is not complete yet. It could be fairly overwhelming to read, so don't feel pressured to succumb to it! This is my new passion, not that it is all that new; to be a strong advocate for Autism. BTW - this is a chapter to my practicum which I plan to work on this summer. If you know of anyone who currently endures Autism in their family will you give them my info. It is exactly this disorder that has encouraged me towards a doctorate. If you know me than you know my subsequent paper will be on preventing Autism. YES! I believe it is possible... To those of you considering vaccinations for your babies... please wait until their bodies are strong enough!

What a relief to know to know that much is complete! So on Saturday, Toby and I spend the WHOLE day in "Childbirth" class. Let me just say this... this time last week I went to bed and woke up in the middle of the night in sweat and crying. I had, had another nightmare of the "epidural." I remember sayin' to Toby, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" For some reason, it was my understanding that your birthing partner is not allowed to be there while you get the epidural to hold you. Well... I was so thankful for this class because it put so many fears to rest. I think I had not gained proper information on the epidural process. We all know fear of the unknown is the worst. I had overwhelmed myself with multiple verses of the bible where God reminds us not to worry... however, I still felt inundated with fear. My friends said things like, "Oh you can do it, its just a shot!" and things like this. THANK GOD for Childbirth class because I got the REAL facts. Yes, it's gunna hurt. Yes, I can have my husband there by my side. And Yes, it is safe. Just the thought of doing labor without the epidural is enough. I am so glad I can depend on the epidural if I need it!

Toby and I also got some great bonding time while in this class! We learned what each other needs for "birthing" to take place. It was actually kinda' romantic. I am so blessed to have the greatest man alive! I will never forget this moment in class when we were learning different techniques on how to relax, Toby and I were dancing, you know that type of dancing you did in high school at the dances. LOL. It was so special though. I think it is safe to say, I am going to have an AWESOME birthing partner to do this with. Toby said if I get the epidural and I am doing "okay" he's willing to catch our baby girl in his hands! Nothing brings me greater joy!

It's funny to me how 9 hours of just sitting is enough to ware a seven month preggo lady out! LOL. The minute we got home I hit the couch while Toby grilled up cheeseburgers. It wasn't five minutes after dinner (as Toby said) that I was passed out! I remember waking up at about eight and telling Toby I wanted to go to bed. CAN YOU BELEIVE THAT!? I didn't wake up until 10:00 am on Sunday.

And speaking of BEING WORN OUT... I tried to wake up this morning to do some house cleaning. I made it... I did clean the house, however, I killed over about half-way through because I just had hardly any energy to complete. I don't know where my energy has gone... Perhaps it's this gigantic belly that wieghs far too much to the front that makes me overcompensate. LOL.

Well I decided to keep it short and sweet today. Hopefully I will have enough energy to get on here throughout the week, as I have soooooo much more to share!

BTW - if any of you have tips on how to get my comment link to work, let me know! I am clueless! And I know some of you are interested in commenting!