Steadfastness

You know its been over two months since my last post.

Wow. How life changes. Two months gone like that. Two months changed like that.

Steadfastness. According to my interpretation (in comparison with online dictionaries) "steadfastness" can be described as: loyalty in signs of trouble or conviction. So... the best word to describe, specifically, the last three months of my life, is suggestively STEADFASTNESS.

I'm immediately reminded of Job and his steadfastness, and Paul and his steadfastness. Both suffered immense adversity and no matter how lengthy or harsh their struggles, God chose them to be His witnesses.

There are all types of ways we can overcome. And many fail. But those who seek God and put Him first shall inherit the kingdom. (James 2:5) You see steadfastness isn't caving when it looks tough, though one might doubt themselves, and possibly God, steadfastness is true to its interpretation; it clings to faith in something beyond the immediate trivial circumstance.

Many of you know the story. You've seen me post on Facebook. Or maybe you've prayed with me. Or maybe you've prayed for us. Or maybe you just know about it all through the great vine. But the story I tell tonight belongs in a book of  "Things I know I couldn't do without God!" Maybe that'll be my next book. LOL.

Have you ever had a Deja Vu moment? A moment you swear you remember! Or what about what I like to call an opposite Deja Vu moment, one your not really sure ever happened, but did?

I look back on life sometimes and I try to find things I can fix, things I could do over in my head. It's rare I find things I know I had no control whatsoever over. It's rare I close my eyes and picture a dream that doesn't feel real, but really is.

Are you still here? Are you following me?

I have served the Lord for nine years (almost ten) now. Some years, I've served more on fire than the other. But I have to tell you, this ninth year has been by far the most faith-filled and most abandoning for my heart. I have never in this journey experienced God this way. I have seen a couple of miracles in my own life, things that were obviously unexplained, but I have never seen God move me the way He has done the last three months.

Sometimes I wonder if God sees me like a knife. This time last year I was so dull. I blame that on things I let consume my heart that shouldn't have. Actually, I started off as a stick, and he sharpened me slowly to arrowhead, then I moved to a dull knife, and now I am this sharp serrated knife, ready to serrate any meat you give me.

For it is on the mountains when we learn to climb. It's in the tunnel of darkness we seek only the light.

I have waged this war, pleading with God, mercy and surrender. Neither befell me. At least neither were obvious forms. I spent nights on my knees pleading, even screaming at Him for not telling me what He wanted. I doubted myself, and I doubted Him. I prayed with endless friends and acquaintances. I found non-stop verses about faithfulness and perseverance. And in the midst of the storm I couldn't see what He was doing to me.

Steadfastness. Sharpening the knife.

I don't place my worth or trust in the things of this world, a house is just a temporary place to raise a family. And a job just gives us something to hopefully faithfully witness.

But... hear me... hear me good. When you wait for God - no matter how long it takes - when you wait for Him to show you exactly what you need to do, and when you do it with the steadfastness that Job had in his despair, or Paul while he was in prison, then I assure you He will NEVER disappoint.

So many doors had been slammed in my face before one perfect job opportunity fell into my arms. And I am not joking about "falling." So many doors were opened and then closed on the house we put so much energy into.

But TRULY, God has shown us the right door to walk through, and He is walking through it with us. We are so blessed.

For those of you who missed the good news yesterday:

Here is a link to our new home (we're hoping to close on or before August 12th): ps... the pictures don't do this place justice, the Lord has blessed us indeed with a beautiful home to raise our family. 

Our New Home

And for those of you who've missed the fb'ing about the then potential job here are the details:

• The church we go to just was led to start a Christian Pre-school (2-5 yo)
• I will be the lead teacher of the four year olds.
• Aniela will be able to attend with me, for free of charge.
• The compensation is well above private preschools anywhere around.
• It's part time (8:30 - 1:30) M-F, so I get to still stay-at-home with my babe! 
• It will follow the school schedule of Doug County, so that means all holidays, and then some off! 
• And, I will have creative authority over my class, and input with the other two teachers, aide and director.
• I cannot think of a more perfect position for me to use the talents God has blessed me with. And to use them without boundaries, I am so happy for this opportunity. I know this is a GOD THING! 
• One of the best perks, I still get to tutor! 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. (1Peter5:10, NIV)

He doesn't see me the way that I do....

This last couple of weeks in bible study we've been discussing A LOT about God's unfailing love. God is Love (1 John 4). God never fails (Isaiah 40:28). Thus, God is unfailing love.

Today, we (in small group) were immersed in a deep conversation about what is happening in the world, assuming the "end of times." A theory not too far fetched when you read scripture, yet a theory we will never have understanding on, nor need to consume our "despaired" thoughts with.

We were talking about the "mathematics" of God and I was intrigued... it reminded me of a conference I went to some months back for human trafficking (yeah I know unrelated, but...). This video is interesting (related to the Divine Proportions that have been used by artists and mathematicians for ages), because (if you can make it through the lengthy ten minute + video) you get the feeling that YES INDEED GOD IS SO MAGNIFICENT that even we, puny little humans can't comprehend Him (scientists included). The man talking on the video, is indeed a scientist (of some nature). I am not sure why he did this video, but I tell you what, it makes me get really gitty inside knowing that even non-believers are perplexed by His majesty. (Here's a link to that video, if your interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g )

Beth told a story today about asking God why He blesses her so much (it's a lengthy story, for another day), but in her plea she heard God clearly state, "I love you Beth." And when she went to reply, before she could, He said to her, "No, don't say I love you Lord, just say, I love you too!" It may be hard to see what a revelation that story was for my heart (probably because I've spent the last nine weeks in deep thought concerning this issue) but it was my little piece to an answer to a question we all have: HOW CAN WE COMPREHEND HIS LOVE?

Listen, I don't think we are supposed to comprehend it. If HE wanted us to understand HIS glory don't you think He would have given us eyes to see? Instead, we have a great gift of just loving Him in return. WHO, please tell me WHO other than God do we have that privilege?

A dear friend of mine the other day posted a blog about death and losing those we "think" might not have been "saved"... her blog struck me quite harshly, I had to pray a couple days before responding. Nevertheless, the processor (in me) had to respond at some point. Anyways, long story short, her theory was based on the scripture that says (paraphrasing) let those who come to me come through my son, Jesus (we are saved only by the Son). I was not negating this very truth, I just was not accepting her despair on a "hopeless" situation of losing our loved ones in eternity.

I know God is a God of discipline, but GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4)! And I would certain that there is never room for any of us to doubt what God can do because He is love. If we are ALL (all of us!) His children (He created us, right), and if He is Love, well then He loves us all. It's not our place to pick and choose who (including ourselves) God loves and ultimately takes with Him to that place where we will worship Him forever. We will never be perfect. We have to stop living with such despair for what is completely out of our hands (and/or our minds).

1 John 3:2 says: Yes, dear friends, we are already God's children, and we can't even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know that when he comes we will be like him, for we will (finally - that's my emphasis) see him for as he really is. (NLT)

Jesus called us not to fear who we are or what we have become, not even to consume ourselves with the world and what it is becoming/not becoming, but He called us to love, as HE HAS LOVED.

Here's a thought: if there is indeed a God shaped hole inside of all of us (thank you Plumb), and indeed God is Love, then shouldn't that hole inside of us be filled with Love?

I tend to get lengthy (with passion, of course) so I will leave you with one more thing... God always knows when to open my heart to listen; the minute I got in my car and drove off from bible study, Jason Gray's song "I am New" was playing on KLOVE, it's a well-hearsed song in my car, however something, some phrase hit me differently today. Here that phrase is:

".........But the one who is making everything new

Doesn't see me the way that I do

He doesn't see me the way that I do......"

Please, know we are sooooooo beautifully made (Psalm 139), and HE DOESN'T see us the way that we do because our minds can't wrap around His powerful, glorious..... being!

Autumn-Rose