I am a weak prayer!

This morning I woke to a prayer. Last night I feel asleep to a prayer. It was the same prayer.

I have a theory... though it's a theory, it based on scripture and miracles I've seen in my own life...

How often do we hear, "Pray and He will answer prayers!" I have to disagree... and often that disagreement has led me to be weak in my prayers. James 4:3 says, When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. Bare with me here. I am trying to make a point. 

I don't think God would be a God to give us WHATEVER we ask, because we are but sinners saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8). Thus, the human mind can request just about anything of God... and surely things that would not Glorify God... Remember God answers prayers so that He will be glorified. (See my last post here)

So if this is true, then just maybe those of us who have desires that could be Glorifying to God are not praying big enough. Does that make sense? 

1 John 5:14-15 says, This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him. Soooo.... are you praying God's will be done? Or are you praying, "Please God answer the desires of my heart, if I am in your will. And if I am not in your will, please show me how." 

I think of it like this... If Aniela were to come to her very loving father, Toby, and say daddy, "Can you please let your will be done?" Toby would probably not really know what she is talking about (and though God knows everything, I am pretty sure He likes it when we ask). So... Like God (the Father), perhaps Toby would feel more needed, appreciated, if Aniela came to him and said, "Daddy I really want that convertible." LOL. 

I am sure, because I know my hubby pretty well, Toby would do whatever he could to get that car for his baby girl, because he loves her that much! I am just sayin'! 

…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

God, the Father, sees our needs, He knows our hearts. We are called His children... so maybe, just maybe we're praying too small of prayers. 

I know I have been.

I've been asking God for His will in my current situation. Yet, He alone has put all the pieces together, already; except for one! The biggest of all the details. We have already been approved. We have a down payment. We have a little extra for the things we need to clean up around here and there. And the smaller details like insurance etc. have already been more than a blessing. The only thing we're waiting on is the current bank to approve the offer. 

What if God just wants to hear, "God, you know the desire of my heart is to have a home to raise my beautiful family. This home you've put at our feet (literally) seems to be perfect for us now. Could you please show your favor and answer the desire of my heart?" 

 I don't know but it doesn't sound far fetched that just maybe God is more a Father (always providing for his children, in every way) than a selfish God who wants everything His way. We are created in His image, right (Genesis 1:27)? And God is a jealous God; not for His own reasons, but for ours... He is jealous FOR US (Deuteronomy 4:24). 

All I am saying, is just perhaps, we need to petition our God for what we desire. After all, He put those desires in our hearts. 

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  (Psalm 37:4)

Beginning

So this is beginning of the journey through the B(basic) I(instructions) B(before) L(leaving) E(Earth) in ONE YEAR!

In the beginning there was God. We all know that. I know that. I accepted my salvation just shy of nine years ago. Upon that I wondered, "okay NOW WHAT?". LoL. And... that was when I was introduced to the chapter of John. Not a bad chapter to start my journey in, especially seeing how I was so on fire to learn more about who Jesus was. However, somewhere along the way, I lost a little zeal and... well lets just say the last nine years have been hit and miss when it comes to opening up the word of God. The ironic and yet somewhat surreal thing for me is that in this time I have had amazing recollection of scripture (the words, not the "actual" verse numbers).

So that is where it is all about to change. Call me optimistic (which is rare, I am usually prone to pessimism), but I have a funny feeling great things are upon us in 2011. Already we've seen God move in ways we couldn't ever imagine (i.e., Toby's new job assignment, my agreement with Sallie Mae, Aniela's health, etc.)

That being said, I see it only fit to start a journey (any journey, for that matter) AT THE BEGINNING! I am so excited about this. In conjunction with this commitment, I have also committed to Beth Moore's ministry Living Way Ministries; I will memorize, yes that's right, MEMORIZE 24 scriptures before 2012; thus making my sword sharper----

Eph 6:17

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ps. Anyone who wants to join me, may!  Here is the link to the rules. If you want to begin with me today, here is the link to today's "verse drop".

(PS I will promote this ministry forever, because this woman is called. Her calling in life is blessed, and through it I have been blessed. I love being a part of such a community of women as this). WOW.

I am so pumped already, I started with a journal I got for Christmas (that is purple, duh, with "blessed" written all over it), my NLT (purple) Bible and of course a purple pen. Oh' yeah I pulled out my purple "message" Bible as well, just in case I want to read vs.'s differently. ROFL. But best of all, I decided I was gunna get all "educational" on myself, and started a time-line (or family tree) in the front of my journal. This is so good for me. Really it is! :)

So this is the first vs. that God gave me that really I wanted to spend sometime meditating on:

Genesis 1:27 (NLT) - God created people (man) in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male & female, he created them.

       The reason why this is a "striking" verse for me is because in this previous post, I mentioned a personal resolution to something that has plagued my life for 28 years. In a short version: I want to see myself how God sees me. I want to "give up" psychoanalyzing everything I do, and thus feeling like "crud" for everything I do. This is something that God has gradually been laying on my heart to do. I am glad He has finally delivered such desire and motivation to succeed. That being said, here are my thoughts on why this verse will be pivotal in my growth this year:

                  
        I find great comfort in knowing my place set "originally" by God was in HIS IMAGE. Void of faults, void of judgment, void of hate, and most of all void of doubt (or fear). You may see this as a huge expectation to live up to (perfect, right?), but I see it as the only answer for a cure to this insatiable disease I have let my body (spirit and mind, included) slowly consume.

I am calling for FREEDOM, and it starts at the beginning! Because, everything, everything, even God, starts at the beginning.

He that is in me is GREATER!!!

I know ... I know... I know...
If you got a chance to check out the time stamp on this blog, then you noticed its the middle of the night. Truth is there is something that has been weighing on my mind which has kept me up in the middle of the nights and kept my face "puffy" with crying.

Tonight in my escapades of tears I felt
comforted by more than the hand of my husbands.


For months now I have feared so many things. It wasn't until recently I noticed my fears began to get more intense. Laying there tonight I pondered if these fears stemmed from pregnancy or something more. As I lay there unable to speak because I was overwhelmed with weeping, God began to speak to me.

First let me share with you some of these fears. Within the last couple of years I have felt like someone very close to me has sort of "disappeared" from my life. This person has recently had quite the affect on my emotional health. I am not sure exactly what happened to us, or what battle I have to fight to get this person back, but emotionally I am so tired, I have almost "given up." The fear I have is that this person will get too far away from me and it will be too late.

There is also this inundating fear of "birth"... not so much the epidural, anymore - remember I addressed that in my last blog?! But just fear in general, the pain, the unknown, the humility, the after-pain, even the fear of motherhood. I am not sure what it is... well I wasn't sure until tonight... but this fear continues to take the life out of me everyday. I think I have wasted the last two months of what should have been enjoying my pregnancy.

There are little fears here and there that build on the "generality" of either of these fears mentioned above. So as you can imagine, I have spent the last couple of weeks either taking my emotions out on my husband or pleading for his comfort. Its either one or the other extreme; nothing in between. I remember laying in bed last night and telling him, "Toby I am so tired of fighting. I don't even know what I am fighting. But emotionally I can't do this anymore. I am falling apart."

Today was a rough day for me... I pleaded with God for comfort, I even practiced the relaxation techniques taught in birthing class this past weekend. Of course staying busy always makes time seem to go by faster and we tend to put our true problems on hold until we are alone again free from distraction. Well... no matter how I tried to avoid it today, it was going to come to me; I was going to have to face "whatever was happening." I tossed and turned as my precious husband snuggled me and comforted me in his arms.

Would you believe just as I turned to comfort him and hold him as he holds me every night, I broke out into tears. They were tears that Toby had told me all day were due to come soon; he knew I was holding back. So he just held me so tight in his arms and calmed me,

"Shhh... it's going to be okay... just let it out..." he kept saying.
Then he said to me,
"Who can be against me when God is for me?"
You might recognize this paraphrase of Romans 8:31.



After hearing those words, I began to thank God for making my husband into the Godly man I had always asked him to be. My tears began to subside and while he was still holding me I began to cite over and over again,

"He that is in me is GREATER than he that is in the world."
Paraphrased from 1 John 4:4


As I continued to say this verse over and over again, you would not believe the peace I felt. My tears were wiped away and I felt so reassured. God gave me the greatest picture just then and I had to share it.

You see for all these months I had been battling and I wasn't sure what for. But the battle became so clear to me within those few short minutes. I was fighting the demons of this world, not satan, because I would never give him that type of credit. But here I was laying there and it hit me like a pan over the head. For those of you who know me all to well know I have dreamed of the day when I would be a mommy. Who knew approaching this dream would bring me so much sorrow. Well perhaps the enemy of this world, the one that wants so badly to take away what is so rightfully ours.


God began to make sense of this verse I was citing over and over again - listen carefully... "HE that is IN ME, is GREATER, than he that is in this earth." From the day I gave my life to God, I gave him my soul, my body and my spirit in all that it is; every last form. So that means that this baby girl of mine, that God created IN ME, she must be the HE THAT IS IN ME!

You see the battle of this world, the one we fight as Christians each day is the battle of the angels and demons. The angels always win, because HE is GREATER!


I consecrated my baby girl to God from the moment Toby and I created her in Gods love. We gave her a name that means "Angel consecrated to God" and for the last two months we call her by that name so that she will always know she is an angel of Gods.

My first job as a mother, which starts right now, is to remember that there is a battle going on right now for my baby's soul. But see... he that is in this world can not have her soul, because HE THAT IS GREATER had it first, and HE IS GREATER! I know, as I heard tonight, this battle is going to rage on, as all battles do, but let me assure you that I intend to fight in this battle and fight as I hard as I can.


Some of you may not understand this spiritual battle I speak of. But it is very real. If I consider and look at all the things that bring fear to my heart, they are all things of this world, and they are all things that ultimately could win the soul of my baby's. I have been wagering in this battle already, I just didn't know what it was for. But now that I know it is about this precious girl that God has blessed me with, I want to fight so much harder. And I will win.

Today, in the midst of my sorrow, I was listening to KLOVE (a Nationwide Christian Radio Station). There was a woman on there who was speaking of her daughter she caught that morning singing a praise song. This little girl was no more than five years old and she was belting it out! The mother came to watch this miracle take place and fell to her knees. Her little girl of only five years was worshipping the GREATEST GOD! I came home and told Toby of this little girl, and I said to him, "Can you not picture our little girl doing the very same thing and making us fall to our knees?" I can't wait to see what an angel she will be. I have great hopes for her. I have images of her walking with thousands and teaching them of the only thing that can bring them peace and love, GOD! I have images of her singing praise songs, especially in times when we need it most. I have images of her bringing a light unto the many family and friends I have that still do not know the Lord. I have an image that this little girl is greatly going to change the lives of those around her. While I know these are only images and nothing is promised, I have faith in my God to fulfill these desires and wants. And I have enough faith in my prayers to never cease believing she will do all these things!

"For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does." Psalm 33:4

"Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 97:10

"Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." Psalm 145:13

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" Psalm 46:10