End of Times?

I heard yesterday morning on the View an interesting thing...

Apparently the end of the world is coming soon! May 21 to be exact. I couldn't help but giggle a little, because I am pretty certain no one will know when Christ will come back, not even the Son; only the Father (Mathew 24).

However, lately, that's all I seem to hear from my fellow Christians, "It's the end of the world. What are we gonna do!?" EXACTLY! What are YOU gonna do?

In Mathew 5:14 Jesus calls us to be the "light of the world." So, if satan is the darkness in this world (2Corinthinans 4:4), and we are to be the light (because when Jesus left to go back to the Father, he called us to be the light - as mentioned above), THEN GET OVER THE "END OF TIMES", wake up and realize WE ARE NOT CALLED TO SAY, OH NO! Rather we're called to work harder!

So what if it is the "end of times"... I seem to recall that 2 Timothy 3:1-5 defines the end of times by the people, not by the natural disasters. In those days we won't be weary of  the tornadoes, floods, and hurricanes around us, rather the people around us who WE WERE CALLED TO BE A LIGHT UNTO, NOW!!!

It's time to pull out our scriptures about love; its time to stop nit picking those who get it right (for example, Rob Bell, in his book "Love Wins" ---- amazing BOOK!), because after all its usually those who are persecuted much who God has called to see HIS TRUTH....(as stated in John 15:19-21).

We need a reality check fellow Christians... we need to open our eyes!

And... when it is the END, it will just be the beginning, so there is absolutely no fear in those who fear the lord (Psalm 115:11).

Revelation 21:24 (NLT) says The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory.

God is good and He will deliver us. So put back on your hearts, step up to what you're called to do and Be the Light unto this dark, sad, distraught world.

I am gonna leave you with this profound video a friend introduced me to, I hope you find conviction, as I have!

He doesn't see me the way that I do....

This last couple of weeks in bible study we've been discussing A LOT about God's unfailing love. God is Love (1 John 4). God never fails (Isaiah 40:28). Thus, God is unfailing love.

Today, we (in small group) were immersed in a deep conversation about what is happening in the world, assuming the "end of times." A theory not too far fetched when you read scripture, yet a theory we will never have understanding on, nor need to consume our "despaired" thoughts with.

We were talking about the "mathematics" of God and I was intrigued... it reminded me of a conference I went to some months back for human trafficking (yeah I know unrelated, but...). This video is interesting (related to the Divine Proportions that have been used by artists and mathematicians for ages), because (if you can make it through the lengthy ten minute + video) you get the feeling that YES INDEED GOD IS SO MAGNIFICENT that even we, puny little humans can't comprehend Him (scientists included). The man talking on the video, is indeed a scientist (of some nature). I am not sure why he did this video, but I tell you what, it makes me get really gitty inside knowing that even non-believers are perplexed by His majesty. (Here's a link to that video, if your interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g )

Beth told a story today about asking God why He blesses her so much (it's a lengthy story, for another day), but in her plea she heard God clearly state, "I love you Beth." And when she went to reply, before she could, He said to her, "No, don't say I love you Lord, just say, I love you too!" It may be hard to see what a revelation that story was for my heart (probably because I've spent the last nine weeks in deep thought concerning this issue) but it was my little piece to an answer to a question we all have: HOW CAN WE COMPREHEND HIS LOVE?

Listen, I don't think we are supposed to comprehend it. If HE wanted us to understand HIS glory don't you think He would have given us eyes to see? Instead, we have a great gift of just loving Him in return. WHO, please tell me WHO other than God do we have that privilege?

A dear friend of mine the other day posted a blog about death and losing those we "think" might not have been "saved"... her blog struck me quite harshly, I had to pray a couple days before responding. Nevertheless, the processor (in me) had to respond at some point. Anyways, long story short, her theory was based on the scripture that says (paraphrasing) let those who come to me come through my son, Jesus (we are saved only by the Son). I was not negating this very truth, I just was not accepting her despair on a "hopeless" situation of losing our loved ones in eternity.

I know God is a God of discipline, but GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4)! And I would certain that there is never room for any of us to doubt what God can do because He is love. If we are ALL (all of us!) His children (He created us, right), and if He is Love, well then He loves us all. It's not our place to pick and choose who (including ourselves) God loves and ultimately takes with Him to that place where we will worship Him forever. We will never be perfect. We have to stop living with such despair for what is completely out of our hands (and/or our minds).

1 John 3:2 says: Yes, dear friends, we are already God's children, and we can't even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know that when he comes we will be like him, for we will (finally - that's my emphasis) see him for as he really is. (NLT)

Jesus called us not to fear who we are or what we have become, not even to consume ourselves with the world and what it is becoming/not becoming, but He called us to love, as HE HAS LOVED.

Here's a thought: if there is indeed a God shaped hole inside of all of us (thank you Plumb), and indeed God is Love, then shouldn't that hole inside of us be filled with Love?

I tend to get lengthy (with passion, of course) so I will leave you with one more thing... God always knows when to open my heart to listen; the minute I got in my car and drove off from bible study, Jason Gray's song "I am New" was playing on KLOVE, it's a well-hearsed song in my car, however something, some phrase hit me differently today. Here that phrase is:

".........But the one who is making everything new

Doesn't see me the way that I do

He doesn't see me the way that I do......"

Please, know we are sooooooo beautifully made (Psalm 139), and HE DOESN'T see us the way that we do because our minds can't wrap around His powerful, glorious..... being!

Autumn-Rose

My lover is mine...

and I am His.

I am doing this bible study with 100 other amazingly gifted women of God. It's called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. When I began this study I asked God to lead me to a place in my heart where I have yet to break free. When I was a baby Christian, I did a counseling type bible study with four other dear women of the Lord called "Breaking Free from your Past." It wasn't months later I rekindled the 13 year distance of my earthly father, and forgave the many others who I let ravage my heart. It changed my life. So I suppose going into this bible study, I was saying, "God what do you have for me to break free from." Well... well. Well. Was I in for an awakening.

Many of you know I have struggled all my life for acceptance. It is truly my alkalies heel. I have lost true friends, and sabotaged relationships because of it. I began sabotaging my marriage because of it. For some reason, I set my expectations so high that my dear hubby was supposed to conform to my insecurities. This made way for huge set backs in our communication, nearly severing our relationship early this past fall.

The truth is, I love how God specifically chooses moments in time to teach us what we so desperately need to know. Three times in my life as a Christian I have felt the Holy Spirit over take me to the point of there is NO way I could deny the change/miracle in my life. The first was July 3, 2003, when I was baptized in His holy water of forgiveness. I had never felt warmth wash over my body as it did that day I plunged into the bitter cold flowing river of the Rocky Mountains. The second was August, 2004 when I accepted the Holy Spirit into mine. I fell to my knees as if the wind had just been knocked out of me. And the joy that replaced the sorrows in those days was unspeakable. And the third happened last night. Here is that story:

Beth asked us to read Song of Songs 2:10-11 once more. This was my third time ever reading any verse from this book of the Bible. I had always believed as a new Christian this was a love story between two earthly lovers. And frankly the thought of reading the intimate parts of this book terrified me. So I read it with humility, asking God to show me what was her/His point. Then she closed her day 5 of this weeks bible study with a story of a woman (allow me to paraphrase, if you know Beth, she is VERY detailed). This woman was in her 90's. She had lived a good life, sure, she had struggles, but she was a faithful servant. This day that she awoke, she humored her childrens' attempt at another surprise birthday party. But that night as she lay in her room reflecting the love that she had through the years, her daughter in law brushed her hair and then tucked her into bed. That night she fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke she heard someone call her, "`Rise up, my beloved, my fair one, and come away. For the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone.'"
 
Let me pause for a moment. Take a minute to take that in.

Just then I began to weep. Weep so much that Toby came to my side and asked if I was "okay." I told him, yes! "Well then what is wrong Autumn, why are you crying so much." "I am crying for something you can't understand. It's a girl thing," I said. But I began to ask him what his interpretation of this scripture meant to him. His answer was the same as mine before. "Well that's easy," he said, "its about two lovers who have fallen asleep in the meadow awaiting the end of a storm, perhaps, and the one calls to the other." I read the story Beth told to Toby and began crying again. I started to weep again as I explained to Toby that Song of Songs is a love letter to me.

I found a letter of "affirmation" in Song of Songs last night. A letter that reminds me I have nothing to fear, nothing to regret, nothing to doubt, because truly when we are with the King of all kings. It will be a glorious thing. Beth was right this week, women desire to be loved. We desire to be loved so much that we feel like princesses. We seek that God-given need in our husbands, our mothers, our daddies, our best friends. But truly, listen girl, listen good, WE HAVE A REAL LIFE LOVE STORY that God wrote just for us. We are the leading actress playing the part of the beautiful, beloved bride of Jesus. The intimacy we have (and can have if you don't already) with Christ is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much deeper than the physical we can begin to have in our earthly relationships.

This realization has changed me in ways many of you may or may not be able to relate. But I hope you do, somehow.

I no longer need to feel affirmed with who I thought I was. I know who I am in Christ. And only His affirmations are what counts. I am so loved. So loved that my lover beckons me to "come away with Him."

"My lover said to me, `Rise up, my beloved, my fair one, and come away. For the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone." Song of Songs 2:10-11

"My lover is mine, and I am his. He feeds among the lilies!" Song of Songs 2:16

Comes the Dawn

It wasn't long ago I sat here wondering what I had done, where I went wrong, what I had said that caused my best friend, my soul mate, to shave me out of her life. It's been over two years now since we "split" and I am still not over the hurt. Somehow I lean on God and plead with him, "If only God I praise you a little harder, will you just please bring my Amanda back." But somehow two years (more) has slipped on by and I am sitting here contemplating just how much both our lives have changed and how mending such a broken friendship would be near impossible. And though I know the cliche all too well, "Nothing is impossible with God," I am also reminded that sometimes things aren't always OF God either. Perhaps God has a bigger plan for both our lives. Perhaps twenty years later we will be willing to sacrifice a little. But for now, I am slowly gaining peace knowing this is completely out of my hands and thus control.

My client shared this poem with me this morning. Her mom had shared it with her after a loss of a best friend (not physical death, but spiritual death). I share it with you today. In hopes that just maybe you too will find peace with "that" person, that soul mate, that you feel like God took from you.

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today,

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye you learn.

Author: Unknown

My Soul Mate; My hubby, but More MY BEST FRIEND

So today marks exactly two years since Toby and I boarded a plane to St.Petersburg, Fl. Wow. That went fast. I am in awe of how my life has changed for the better since he has been in my life. Sunday will be our two year anniversary and though that seems so short... I assure you it is not. The life-long connection that Toby and I began with each other just over three years ago has never slacked. In fact just the opposite has happened for us. Wow.

I remember years ago... not too many years... I thought my world was over. I thought I could never find true love (especially from a man); the kind you read about in fairy tales. And I have had my share of sorrows and doubts, I have been shit, oops, pooped on, and lied to and basically left to dry by many of "boys" in my days.... but WoW. There's that word again. I never thought I was good enough to get someone like Toby.

And to all you girls out there that think you have to settle, I assure you don't. God has someone so perfect for you. Do your time. And God will bless you. LOL. That sounds silly I know, but its true. Serve God, and its amazing what he'll bless you with.

Sometimes I wish I could sit here and describe my thoughts to you about my husband. The thoughts like how much our "arguments" make us stronger for each other, or how his patience has played such an important part in who God wants me to ultimately be, period. Or how much he lets me get away with, and still is the only person to remind me just how great life can be when you have someone to share it with. There are a lot of those thoughts. But basically when its all said and done... in the end my life has been reserved to serve my husband. And no money or possessions can buy that piece of mind.

I am so happy doing life with you Toby. So happy. I know God has great plans for us, but I love the not-knowing feeling I have right now, because it causes me to appreciate the finer things in life. The things that don't always matter to other people. And that... well that is worth any sacrifice that was, is, or will ever be made for two people to love with an unselfish love (one that is only of God).