In honor of Easter...

As a mom, trying to figure out the world's idiosyncrasies, I am trying to teach my daughter truths, yet not deprive her from the things that brought me greatest enjoyment as a child myself. Some of my greatest memories were the secular-influenced holidays I celebrated with my family. My Uncle Bill used to throw the biggest and best Easter egg hunts known to man. You could always bet the "black egg" held a fortune too big for our little wallets; and man was it a fight for that egg. I was devastated when I learned that Santa Claus "wasn't real." It was a ski trip and I found all the presents stuffed in black bags in my parents room. I was just five.

Often, I sit here and wonder how and when this world warped our holidays and created their own. Though, Christmas is still a very special time in my family, it is too much Santa and not enough Christ's birth. That's going to change. Likewise, Toby and I have spent hours dipping our eggs and decorating them for each other to hide; we've not deeply appreciated the true meaning of what Easter really is. That's going to change. Hear me out, I am not going to deprive Aniela of the spirit of these holidays, but I refuse to deceive her of their first imprint in our hearts.Truth.

We just wrapped up the conclusion of Beth Moore's bible study, Breaking Free. He (God) never seems to amaze me (well, yeah, I take that back, HE ALWAYS AMAZES ME). But... I have learned more from this bible study then I thought I would when I started. I went in with expectations to break free from a number of situations. Some that I have not been freed from yet. But... WOW... He sure did teach me such great stuff. Sorry this blog is not enough to express the power a woman could receive from going through this journey. It's been amazing.

The lessons (not the ones you learn from making mistakes, but the ones from a teacher - of some sort) I've learned have been forever grasped. Such truth has been spoken over my soul and here is one of those:

         The book of Isaiah teaches many things... but perhaps one of my favorites are the lessons we learn from the Israelites and the benefit of a covenant relationship with God. The five benefits are; 1.) To know God and believe in Him, 2.) To Glorify God, 3.) To find satisfaction in God, 4.) to experience God's peace, and 5.) To enjoy God's presence. Today, I am going to talk about #2. Because Glorifying God is exactly what Easter is all about.

          I can think of many times when God was glorified through or by my life. That's for another day. But.... we as Christians know, the ULTIMATE "glorifying" power is JESUS CHRIST. Beth sums up God being glorified in this sentence: Therefore when God seeks to glorify Himself through an individual, He proves who He is by causing the believer to be what is otherwise impossible and to do what is otherwise impossible. This is indeed why our puny minds have such a hard time comprehending miracles. They weren't meant to be understood. If we understood them, God would surely not be glorified.

          In Exodus 12:31-30 we learn about what passover is/was. The Jews of their day and I have something in common. Have you read the story? Have you heard the mercy that God displayed for the Israelites? Have you imagined the miracle of the gold and jewels that Egypt handed over to them? They were told to cover their doors with the blood of a slaughtered lamb. God saw their doorpost covered in blood and "passed over" them. We have no door of escape unless our doorposts have been painted with the blood of Christ. What separates us from them is their daily sacrifice. Our sacrifice has already been made; He has already been slaughtered and He bled for us.

         In 1 Corinthians 3:12-13 we learn of the "blessings" that will last. It was no accident the Israelites received gold and jewels. Read how the Egyptians handed it over to them; it'll give you chills. God gave them riches (that will still be riches after the fire) after their 300 year despair. God gave us the same. We are but captives if not for the grace, mercy and love of our God. And the promise He fulfilled (Genesis 15:14) through His son Jesus Christ.

        So this Easter... I hope you remember with me... that Christ died for you... He went down to hell to fight... for you... and HE WILL RISE, on the third day, HE WILL RISE! And God, oh yes God, WILL BE GLORIFIED.

While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. And He heard the groans of my self-imposed slavery, and He... the God of the universe... His holiness... His majesty... looked on my ugliness and called this captive free. (Beth Moore)

Happy Easter
Love,
Autumn-Rose

He doesn't see me the way that I do....

This last couple of weeks in bible study we've been discussing A LOT about God's unfailing love. God is Love (1 John 4). God never fails (Isaiah 40:28). Thus, God is unfailing love.

Today, we (in small group) were immersed in a deep conversation about what is happening in the world, assuming the "end of times." A theory not too far fetched when you read scripture, yet a theory we will never have understanding on, nor need to consume our "despaired" thoughts with.

We were talking about the "mathematics" of God and I was intrigued... it reminded me of a conference I went to some months back for human trafficking (yeah I know unrelated, but...). This video is interesting (related to the Divine Proportions that have been used by artists and mathematicians for ages), because (if you can make it through the lengthy ten minute + video) you get the feeling that YES INDEED GOD IS SO MAGNIFICENT that even we, puny little humans can't comprehend Him (scientists included). The man talking on the video, is indeed a scientist (of some nature). I am not sure why he did this video, but I tell you what, it makes me get really gitty inside knowing that even non-believers are perplexed by His majesty. (Here's a link to that video, if your interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g )

Beth told a story today about asking God why He blesses her so much (it's a lengthy story, for another day), but in her plea she heard God clearly state, "I love you Beth." And when she went to reply, before she could, He said to her, "No, don't say I love you Lord, just say, I love you too!" It may be hard to see what a revelation that story was for my heart (probably because I've spent the last nine weeks in deep thought concerning this issue) but it was my little piece to an answer to a question we all have: HOW CAN WE COMPREHEND HIS LOVE?

Listen, I don't think we are supposed to comprehend it. If HE wanted us to understand HIS glory don't you think He would have given us eyes to see? Instead, we have a great gift of just loving Him in return. WHO, please tell me WHO other than God do we have that privilege?

A dear friend of mine the other day posted a blog about death and losing those we "think" might not have been "saved"... her blog struck me quite harshly, I had to pray a couple days before responding. Nevertheless, the processor (in me) had to respond at some point. Anyways, long story short, her theory was based on the scripture that says (paraphrasing) let those who come to me come through my son, Jesus (we are saved only by the Son). I was not negating this very truth, I just was not accepting her despair on a "hopeless" situation of losing our loved ones in eternity.

I know God is a God of discipline, but GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4)! And I would certain that there is never room for any of us to doubt what God can do because He is love. If we are ALL (all of us!) His children (He created us, right), and if He is Love, well then He loves us all. It's not our place to pick and choose who (including ourselves) God loves and ultimately takes with Him to that place where we will worship Him forever. We will never be perfect. We have to stop living with such despair for what is completely out of our hands (and/or our minds).

1 John 3:2 says: Yes, dear friends, we are already God's children, and we can't even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know that when he comes we will be like him, for we will (finally - that's my emphasis) see him for as he really is. (NLT)

Jesus called us not to fear who we are or what we have become, not even to consume ourselves with the world and what it is becoming/not becoming, but He called us to love, as HE HAS LOVED.

Here's a thought: if there is indeed a God shaped hole inside of all of us (thank you Plumb), and indeed God is Love, then shouldn't that hole inside of us be filled with Love?

I tend to get lengthy (with passion, of course) so I will leave you with one more thing... God always knows when to open my heart to listen; the minute I got in my car and drove off from bible study, Jason Gray's song "I am New" was playing on KLOVE, it's a well-hearsed song in my car, however something, some phrase hit me differently today. Here that phrase is:

".........But the one who is making everything new

Doesn't see me the way that I do

He doesn't see me the way that I do......"

Please, know we are sooooooo beautifully made (Psalm 139), and HE DOESN'T see us the way that we do because our minds can't wrap around His powerful, glorious..... being!

Autumn-Rose

Footprints of Truth

This morning I woke up with a different perspective than yesterday; often I do that. Today I woke up with a perspective doubting God and angry at myself that I put myself in situations of disappointment, constantly.

Toby and I are searching for an earthly home to raise our family. But you name the obstacle we've been there; in the last two years. Yesterday, I remembered God's plans as in Jeremiah 29:11, but today such grief and regret struck me. Why am I here again?

Anyways the story forges on. I am sure God will give me more details, but for now I read this in bible study today. Consider this the revised version of "Footprints in the Sand," with a spin on the idea that I personally rarely "let God carry me;" as He does in the original version. No, instead I find myself always reflecting on my lack of relinquishment of things I may or may not have control of.

Imagine in heaven God lovingly shows you His plan for your earthly life. You see footprints walking through each day. On many of the days, two sets of footprints appear. You inquire: "Father, are those my footprints every day, and is the second set of prints when You joined me?"

He answers, "No, My precious child. The consistent footprints are Mine. The second set of footprints are when YOU JOINED ME!"

"Where were You going, Father?"

"To the destiny I planned for you, hoping you'd follow."

"But, Father, where are my footprints all those times?"

"Sometimes you WENT BACK look at old resentments and habits. Sometimes YOU DEPARTED from My path and chose your own instead. Other times, your footprints can even be seen on another person's path because YOU LIKED THEIR PLAN BETTER. At other times, you simply stopped because YOU WOULD NOT LET GO of something you could not take with you."

"But even if I didn't walk with You everyday, we ended up OK, didn't we?"

He holds you close and smiles, "Yes, child, we ended up OK. But, you see, OK was NEVER what I had in mind for you."

"Father, what are those golden treasure boxes on certain days?"

"Blessings, My child, I had for you along the way. Those that are open are those you received. Those still closed were days you did not walk with Me."

Beth Moore "Breaking Free"

My lover is mine...

and I am His.

I am doing this bible study with 100 other amazingly gifted women of God. It's called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. When I began this study I asked God to lead me to a place in my heart where I have yet to break free. When I was a baby Christian, I did a counseling type bible study with four other dear women of the Lord called "Breaking Free from your Past." It wasn't months later I rekindled the 13 year distance of my earthly father, and forgave the many others who I let ravage my heart. It changed my life. So I suppose going into this bible study, I was saying, "God what do you have for me to break free from." Well... well. Well. Was I in for an awakening.

Many of you know I have struggled all my life for acceptance. It is truly my alkalies heel. I have lost true friends, and sabotaged relationships because of it. I began sabotaging my marriage because of it. For some reason, I set my expectations so high that my dear hubby was supposed to conform to my insecurities. This made way for huge set backs in our communication, nearly severing our relationship early this past fall.

The truth is, I love how God specifically chooses moments in time to teach us what we so desperately need to know. Three times in my life as a Christian I have felt the Holy Spirit over take me to the point of there is NO way I could deny the change/miracle in my life. The first was July 3, 2003, when I was baptized in His holy water of forgiveness. I had never felt warmth wash over my body as it did that day I plunged into the bitter cold flowing river of the Rocky Mountains. The second was August, 2004 when I accepted the Holy Spirit into mine. I fell to my knees as if the wind had just been knocked out of me. And the joy that replaced the sorrows in those days was unspeakable. And the third happened last night. Here is that story:

Beth asked us to read Song of Songs 2:10-11 once more. This was my third time ever reading any verse from this book of the Bible. I had always believed as a new Christian this was a love story between two earthly lovers. And frankly the thought of reading the intimate parts of this book terrified me. So I read it with humility, asking God to show me what was her/His point. Then she closed her day 5 of this weeks bible study with a story of a woman (allow me to paraphrase, if you know Beth, she is VERY detailed). This woman was in her 90's. She had lived a good life, sure, she had struggles, but she was a faithful servant. This day that she awoke, she humored her childrens' attempt at another surprise birthday party. But that night as she lay in her room reflecting the love that she had through the years, her daughter in law brushed her hair and then tucked her into bed. That night she fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke she heard someone call her, "`Rise up, my beloved, my fair one, and come away. For the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone.'"
 
Let me pause for a moment. Take a minute to take that in.

Just then I began to weep. Weep so much that Toby came to my side and asked if I was "okay." I told him, yes! "Well then what is wrong Autumn, why are you crying so much." "I am crying for something you can't understand. It's a girl thing," I said. But I began to ask him what his interpretation of this scripture meant to him. His answer was the same as mine before. "Well that's easy," he said, "its about two lovers who have fallen asleep in the meadow awaiting the end of a storm, perhaps, and the one calls to the other." I read the story Beth told to Toby and began crying again. I started to weep again as I explained to Toby that Song of Songs is a love letter to me.

I found a letter of "affirmation" in Song of Songs last night. A letter that reminds me I have nothing to fear, nothing to regret, nothing to doubt, because truly when we are with the King of all kings. It will be a glorious thing. Beth was right this week, women desire to be loved. We desire to be loved so much that we feel like princesses. We seek that God-given need in our husbands, our mothers, our daddies, our best friends. But truly, listen girl, listen good, WE HAVE A REAL LIFE LOVE STORY that God wrote just for us. We are the leading actress playing the part of the beautiful, beloved bride of Jesus. The intimacy we have (and can have if you don't already) with Christ is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much deeper than the physical we can begin to have in our earthly relationships.

This realization has changed me in ways many of you may or may not be able to relate. But I hope you do, somehow.

I no longer need to feel affirmed with who I thought I was. I know who I am in Christ. And only His affirmations are what counts. I am so loved. So loved that my lover beckons me to "come away with Him."

"My lover said to me, `Rise up, my beloved, my fair one, and come away. For the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone." Song of Songs 2:10-11

"My lover is mine, and I am his. He feeds among the lilies!" Song of Songs 2:16