Steadfastness

You know its been over two months since my last post.

Wow. How life changes. Two months gone like that. Two months changed like that.

Steadfastness. According to my interpretation (in comparison with online dictionaries) "steadfastness" can be described as: loyalty in signs of trouble or conviction. So... the best word to describe, specifically, the last three months of my life, is suggestively STEADFASTNESS.

I'm immediately reminded of Job and his steadfastness, and Paul and his steadfastness. Both suffered immense adversity and no matter how lengthy or harsh their struggles, God chose them to be His witnesses.

There are all types of ways we can overcome. And many fail. But those who seek God and put Him first shall inherit the kingdom. (James 2:5) You see steadfastness isn't caving when it looks tough, though one might doubt themselves, and possibly God, steadfastness is true to its interpretation; it clings to faith in something beyond the immediate trivial circumstance.

Many of you know the story. You've seen me post on Facebook. Or maybe you've prayed with me. Or maybe you've prayed for us. Or maybe you just know about it all through the great vine. But the story I tell tonight belongs in a book of  "Things I know I couldn't do without God!" Maybe that'll be my next book. LOL.

Have you ever had a Deja Vu moment? A moment you swear you remember! Or what about what I like to call an opposite Deja Vu moment, one your not really sure ever happened, but did?

I look back on life sometimes and I try to find things I can fix, things I could do over in my head. It's rare I find things I know I had no control whatsoever over. It's rare I close my eyes and picture a dream that doesn't feel real, but really is.

Are you still here? Are you following me?

I have served the Lord for nine years (almost ten) now. Some years, I've served more on fire than the other. But I have to tell you, this ninth year has been by far the most faith-filled and most abandoning for my heart. I have never in this journey experienced God this way. I have seen a couple of miracles in my own life, things that were obviously unexplained, but I have never seen God move me the way He has done the last three months.

Sometimes I wonder if God sees me like a knife. This time last year I was so dull. I blame that on things I let consume my heart that shouldn't have. Actually, I started off as a stick, and he sharpened me slowly to arrowhead, then I moved to a dull knife, and now I am this sharp serrated knife, ready to serrate any meat you give me.

For it is on the mountains when we learn to climb. It's in the tunnel of darkness we seek only the light.

I have waged this war, pleading with God, mercy and surrender. Neither befell me. At least neither were obvious forms. I spent nights on my knees pleading, even screaming at Him for not telling me what He wanted. I doubted myself, and I doubted Him. I prayed with endless friends and acquaintances. I found non-stop verses about faithfulness and perseverance. And in the midst of the storm I couldn't see what He was doing to me.

Steadfastness. Sharpening the knife.

I don't place my worth or trust in the things of this world, a house is just a temporary place to raise a family. And a job just gives us something to hopefully faithfully witness.

But... hear me... hear me good. When you wait for God - no matter how long it takes - when you wait for Him to show you exactly what you need to do, and when you do it with the steadfastness that Job had in his despair, or Paul while he was in prison, then I assure you He will NEVER disappoint.

So many doors had been slammed in my face before one perfect job opportunity fell into my arms. And I am not joking about "falling." So many doors were opened and then closed on the house we put so much energy into.

But TRULY, God has shown us the right door to walk through, and He is walking through it with us. We are so blessed.

For those of you who missed the good news yesterday:

Here is a link to our new home (we're hoping to close on or before August 12th): ps... the pictures don't do this place justice, the Lord has blessed us indeed with a beautiful home to raise our family. 

Our New Home

And for those of you who've missed the fb'ing about the then potential job here are the details:

• The church we go to just was led to start a Christian Pre-school (2-5 yo)
• I will be the lead teacher of the four year olds.
• Aniela will be able to attend with me, for free of charge.
• The compensation is well above private preschools anywhere around.
• It's part time (8:30 - 1:30) M-F, so I get to still stay-at-home with my babe! 
• It will follow the school schedule of Doug County, so that means all holidays, and then some off! 
• And, I will have creative authority over my class, and input with the other two teachers, aide and director.
• I cannot think of a more perfect position for me to use the talents God has blessed me with. And to use them without boundaries, I am so happy for this opportunity. I know this is a GOD THING! 
• One of the best perks, I still get to tutor! 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. (1Peter5:10, NIV)

End of Times?

I heard yesterday morning on the View an interesting thing...

Apparently the end of the world is coming soon! May 21 to be exact. I couldn't help but giggle a little, because I am pretty certain no one will know when Christ will come back, not even the Son; only the Father (Mathew 24).

However, lately, that's all I seem to hear from my fellow Christians, "It's the end of the world. What are we gonna do!?" EXACTLY! What are YOU gonna do?

In Mathew 5:14 Jesus calls us to be the "light of the world." So, if satan is the darkness in this world (2Corinthinans 4:4), and we are to be the light (because when Jesus left to go back to the Father, he called us to be the light - as mentioned above), THEN GET OVER THE "END OF TIMES", wake up and realize WE ARE NOT CALLED TO SAY, OH NO! Rather we're called to work harder!

So what if it is the "end of times"... I seem to recall that 2 Timothy 3:1-5 defines the end of times by the people, not by the natural disasters. In those days we won't be weary of  the tornadoes, floods, and hurricanes around us, rather the people around us who WE WERE CALLED TO BE A LIGHT UNTO, NOW!!!

It's time to pull out our scriptures about love; its time to stop nit picking those who get it right (for example, Rob Bell, in his book "Love Wins" ---- amazing BOOK!), because after all its usually those who are persecuted much who God has called to see HIS TRUTH....(as stated in John 15:19-21).

We need a reality check fellow Christians... we need to open our eyes!

And... when it is the END, it will just be the beginning, so there is absolutely no fear in those who fear the lord (Psalm 115:11).

Revelation 21:24 (NLT) says The nations will walk in its light, and the kings of the world will enter the city in all their glory.

God is good and He will deliver us. So put back on your hearts, step up to what you're called to do and Be the Light unto this dark, sad, distraught world.

I am gonna leave you with this profound video a friend introduced me to, I hope you find conviction, as I have!

Photo Book

Click here to view this photo book larger

Happy Spring 2011

We just wanted to wish everyone a 

Happy SPRING! 

Love the Titones

May the Spirit of Jesus Christ fill you this Easter Season!

May you know a joy only love can fill your souls with...

May your hearts be pure and clean for the journey...

May you always keep your heads up...

Don't forget to have fun along the way...

And always remember those who've made you better...

Photography done by : Julie Miller

I am a weak prayer!

This morning I woke to a prayer. Last night I feel asleep to a prayer. It was the same prayer.

I have a theory... though it's a theory, it based on scripture and miracles I've seen in my own life...

How often do we hear, "Pray and He will answer prayers!" I have to disagree... and often that disagreement has led me to be weak in my prayers. James 4:3 says, When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. Bare with me here. I am trying to make a point. 

I don't think God would be a God to give us WHATEVER we ask, because we are but sinners saved by grace (Ephesians 2:8). Thus, the human mind can request just about anything of God... and surely things that would not Glorify God... Remember God answers prayers so that He will be glorified. (See my last post here)

So if this is true, then just maybe those of us who have desires that could be Glorifying to God are not praying big enough. Does that make sense? 

1 John 5:14-15 says, This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him. Soooo.... are you praying God's will be done? Or are you praying, "Please God answer the desires of my heart, if I am in your will. And if I am not in your will, please show me how." 

I think of it like this... If Aniela were to come to her very loving father, Toby, and say daddy, "Can you please let your will be done?" Toby would probably not really know what she is talking about (and though God knows everything, I am pretty sure He likes it when we ask). So... Like God (the Father), perhaps Toby would feel more needed, appreciated, if Aniela came to him and said, "Daddy I really want that convertible." LOL. 

I am sure, because I know my hubby pretty well, Toby would do whatever he could to get that car for his baby girl, because he loves her that much! I am just sayin'! 

…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:16)

God, the Father, sees our needs, He knows our hearts. We are called His children... so maybe, just maybe we're praying too small of prayers. 

I know I have been.

I've been asking God for His will in my current situation. Yet, He alone has put all the pieces together, already; except for one! The biggest of all the details. We have already been approved. We have a down payment. We have a little extra for the things we need to clean up around here and there. And the smaller details like insurance etc. have already been more than a blessing. The only thing we're waiting on is the current bank to approve the offer. 

What if God just wants to hear, "God, you know the desire of my heart is to have a home to raise my beautiful family. This home you've put at our feet (literally) seems to be perfect for us now. Could you please show your favor and answer the desire of my heart?" 

 I don't know but it doesn't sound far fetched that just maybe God is more a Father (always providing for his children, in every way) than a selfish God who wants everything His way. We are created in His image, right (Genesis 1:27)? And God is a jealous God; not for His own reasons, but for ours... He is jealous FOR US (Deuteronomy 4:24). 

All I am saying, is just perhaps, we need to petition our God for what we desire. After all, He put those desires in our hearts. 

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  (Psalm 37:4)

In honor of Easter...

As a mom, trying to figure out the world's idiosyncrasies, I am trying to teach my daughter truths, yet not deprive her from the things that brought me greatest enjoyment as a child myself. Some of my greatest memories were the secular-influenced holidays I celebrated with my family. My Uncle Bill used to throw the biggest and best Easter egg hunts known to man. You could always bet the "black egg" held a fortune too big for our little wallets; and man was it a fight for that egg. I was devastated when I learned that Santa Claus "wasn't real." It was a ski trip and I found all the presents stuffed in black bags in my parents room. I was just five.

Often, I sit here and wonder how and when this world warped our holidays and created their own. Though, Christmas is still a very special time in my family, it is too much Santa and not enough Christ's birth. That's going to change. Likewise, Toby and I have spent hours dipping our eggs and decorating them for each other to hide; we've not deeply appreciated the true meaning of what Easter really is. That's going to change. Hear me out, I am not going to deprive Aniela of the spirit of these holidays, but I refuse to deceive her of their first imprint in our hearts.Truth.

We just wrapped up the conclusion of Beth Moore's bible study, Breaking Free. He (God) never seems to amaze me (well, yeah, I take that back, HE ALWAYS AMAZES ME). But... I have learned more from this bible study then I thought I would when I started. I went in with expectations to break free from a number of situations. Some that I have not been freed from yet. But... WOW... He sure did teach me such great stuff. Sorry this blog is not enough to express the power a woman could receive from going through this journey. It's been amazing.

The lessons (not the ones you learn from making mistakes, but the ones from a teacher - of some sort) I've learned have been forever grasped. Such truth has been spoken over my soul and here is one of those:

         The book of Isaiah teaches many things... but perhaps one of my favorites are the lessons we learn from the Israelites and the benefit of a covenant relationship with God. The five benefits are; 1.) To know God and believe in Him, 2.) To Glorify God, 3.) To find satisfaction in God, 4.) to experience God's peace, and 5.) To enjoy God's presence. Today, I am going to talk about #2. Because Glorifying God is exactly what Easter is all about.

          I can think of many times when God was glorified through or by my life. That's for another day. But.... we as Christians know, the ULTIMATE "glorifying" power is JESUS CHRIST. Beth sums up God being glorified in this sentence: Therefore when God seeks to glorify Himself through an individual, He proves who He is by causing the believer to be what is otherwise impossible and to do what is otherwise impossible. This is indeed why our puny minds have such a hard time comprehending miracles. They weren't meant to be understood. If we understood them, God would surely not be glorified.

          In Exodus 12:31-30 we learn about what passover is/was. The Jews of their day and I have something in common. Have you read the story? Have you heard the mercy that God displayed for the Israelites? Have you imagined the miracle of the gold and jewels that Egypt handed over to them? They were told to cover their doors with the blood of a slaughtered lamb. God saw their doorpost covered in blood and "passed over" them. We have no door of escape unless our doorposts have been painted with the blood of Christ. What separates us from them is their daily sacrifice. Our sacrifice has already been made; He has already been slaughtered and He bled for us.

         In 1 Corinthians 3:12-13 we learn of the "blessings" that will last. It was no accident the Israelites received gold and jewels. Read how the Egyptians handed it over to them; it'll give you chills. God gave them riches (that will still be riches after the fire) after their 300 year despair. God gave us the same. We are but captives if not for the grace, mercy and love of our God. And the promise He fulfilled (Genesis 15:14) through His son Jesus Christ.

        So this Easter... I hope you remember with me... that Christ died for you... He went down to hell to fight... for you... and HE WILL RISE, on the third day, HE WILL RISE! And God, oh yes God, WILL BE GLORIFIED.

While I was still a sinner, Christ died for me. And He heard the groans of my self-imposed slavery, and He... the God of the universe... His holiness... His majesty... looked on my ugliness and called this captive free. (Beth Moore)

Happy Easter
Love,
Autumn-Rose

He doesn't see me the way that I do....

This last couple of weeks in bible study we've been discussing A LOT about God's unfailing love. God is Love (1 John 4). God never fails (Isaiah 40:28). Thus, God is unfailing love.

Today, we (in small group) were immersed in a deep conversation about what is happening in the world, assuming the "end of times." A theory not too far fetched when you read scripture, yet a theory we will never have understanding on, nor need to consume our "despaired" thoughts with.

We were talking about the "mathematics" of God and I was intrigued... it reminded me of a conference I went to some months back for human trafficking (yeah I know unrelated, but...). This video is interesting (related to the Divine Proportions that have been used by artists and mathematicians for ages), because (if you can make it through the lengthy ten minute + video) you get the feeling that YES INDEED GOD IS SO MAGNIFICENT that even we, puny little humans can't comprehend Him (scientists included). The man talking on the video, is indeed a scientist (of some nature). I am not sure why he did this video, but I tell you what, it makes me get really gitty inside knowing that even non-believers are perplexed by His majesty. (Here's a link to that video, if your interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7AWnfFRc7g )

Beth told a story today about asking God why He blesses her so much (it's a lengthy story, for another day), but in her plea she heard God clearly state, "I love you Beth." And when she went to reply, before she could, He said to her, "No, don't say I love you Lord, just say, I love you too!" It may be hard to see what a revelation that story was for my heart (probably because I've spent the last nine weeks in deep thought concerning this issue) but it was my little piece to an answer to a question we all have: HOW CAN WE COMPREHEND HIS LOVE?

Listen, I don't think we are supposed to comprehend it. If HE wanted us to understand HIS glory don't you think He would have given us eyes to see? Instead, we have a great gift of just loving Him in return. WHO, please tell me WHO other than God do we have that privilege?

A dear friend of mine the other day posted a blog about death and losing those we "think" might not have been "saved"... her blog struck me quite harshly, I had to pray a couple days before responding. Nevertheless, the processor (in me) had to respond at some point. Anyways, long story short, her theory was based on the scripture that says (paraphrasing) let those who come to me come through my son, Jesus (we are saved only by the Son). I was not negating this very truth, I just was not accepting her despair on a "hopeless" situation of losing our loved ones in eternity.

I know God is a God of discipline, but GOD IS LOVE (1 John 4)! And I would certain that there is never room for any of us to doubt what God can do because He is love. If we are ALL (all of us!) His children (He created us, right), and if He is Love, well then He loves us all. It's not our place to pick and choose who (including ourselves) God loves and ultimately takes with Him to that place where we will worship Him forever. We will never be perfect. We have to stop living with such despair for what is completely out of our hands (and/or our minds).

1 John 3:2 says: Yes, dear friends, we are already God's children, and we can't even imagine what we will be like when Christ returns. But we do know that when he comes we will be like him, for we will (finally - that's my emphasis) see him for as he really is. (NLT)

Jesus called us not to fear who we are or what we have become, not even to consume ourselves with the world and what it is becoming/not becoming, but He called us to love, as HE HAS LOVED.

Here's a thought: if there is indeed a God shaped hole inside of all of us (thank you Plumb), and indeed God is Love, then shouldn't that hole inside of us be filled with Love?

I tend to get lengthy (with passion, of course) so I will leave you with one more thing... God always knows when to open my heart to listen; the minute I got in my car and drove off from bible study, Jason Gray's song "I am New" was playing on KLOVE, it's a well-hearsed song in my car, however something, some phrase hit me differently today. Here that phrase is:

".........But the one who is making everything new

Doesn't see me the way that I do

He doesn't see me the way that I do......"

Please, know we are sooooooo beautifully made (Psalm 139), and HE DOESN'T see us the way that we do because our minds can't wrap around His powerful, glorious..... being!

Autumn-Rose

Footprints of Truth

This morning I woke up with a different perspective than yesterday; often I do that. Today I woke up with a perspective doubting God and angry at myself that I put myself in situations of disappointment, constantly.

Toby and I are searching for an earthly home to raise our family. But you name the obstacle we've been there; in the last two years. Yesterday, I remembered God's plans as in Jeremiah 29:11, but today such grief and regret struck me. Why am I here again?

Anyways the story forges on. I am sure God will give me more details, but for now I read this in bible study today. Consider this the revised version of "Footprints in the Sand," with a spin on the idea that I personally rarely "let God carry me;" as He does in the original version. No, instead I find myself always reflecting on my lack of relinquishment of things I may or may not have control of.

Imagine in heaven God lovingly shows you His plan for your earthly life. You see footprints walking through each day. On many of the days, two sets of footprints appear. You inquire: "Father, are those my footprints every day, and is the second set of prints when You joined me?"

He answers, "No, My precious child. The consistent footprints are Mine. The second set of footprints are when YOU JOINED ME!"

"Where were You going, Father?"

"To the destiny I planned for you, hoping you'd follow."

"But, Father, where are my footprints all those times?"

"Sometimes you WENT BACK look at old resentments and habits. Sometimes YOU DEPARTED from My path and chose your own instead. Other times, your footprints can even be seen on another person's path because YOU LIKED THEIR PLAN BETTER. At other times, you simply stopped because YOU WOULD NOT LET GO of something you could not take with you."

"But even if I didn't walk with You everyday, we ended up OK, didn't we?"

He holds you close and smiles, "Yes, child, we ended up OK. But, you see, OK was NEVER what I had in mind for you."

"Father, what are those golden treasure boxes on certain days?"

"Blessings, My child, I had for you along the way. Those that are open are those you received. Those still closed were days you did not walk with Me."

Beth Moore "Breaking Free"

My lover is mine...

and I am His.

I am doing this bible study with 100 other amazingly gifted women of God. It's called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. When I began this study I asked God to lead me to a place in my heart where I have yet to break free. When I was a baby Christian, I did a counseling type bible study with four other dear women of the Lord called "Breaking Free from your Past." It wasn't months later I rekindled the 13 year distance of my earthly father, and forgave the many others who I let ravage my heart. It changed my life. So I suppose going into this bible study, I was saying, "God what do you have for me to break free from." Well... well. Well. Was I in for an awakening.

Many of you know I have struggled all my life for acceptance. It is truly my alkalies heel. I have lost true friends, and sabotaged relationships because of it. I began sabotaging my marriage because of it. For some reason, I set my expectations so high that my dear hubby was supposed to conform to my insecurities. This made way for huge set backs in our communication, nearly severing our relationship early this past fall.

The truth is, I love how God specifically chooses moments in time to teach us what we so desperately need to know. Three times in my life as a Christian I have felt the Holy Spirit over take me to the point of there is NO way I could deny the change/miracle in my life. The first was July 3, 2003, when I was baptized in His holy water of forgiveness. I had never felt warmth wash over my body as it did that day I plunged into the bitter cold flowing river of the Rocky Mountains. The second was August, 2004 when I accepted the Holy Spirit into mine. I fell to my knees as if the wind had just been knocked out of me. And the joy that replaced the sorrows in those days was unspeakable. And the third happened last night. Here is that story:

Beth asked us to read Song of Songs 2:10-11 once more. This was my third time ever reading any verse from this book of the Bible. I had always believed as a new Christian this was a love story between two earthly lovers. And frankly the thought of reading the intimate parts of this book terrified me. So I read it with humility, asking God to show me what was her/His point. Then she closed her day 5 of this weeks bible study with a story of a woman (allow me to paraphrase, if you know Beth, she is VERY detailed). This woman was in her 90's. She had lived a good life, sure, she had struggles, but she was a faithful servant. This day that she awoke, she humored her childrens' attempt at another surprise birthday party. But that night as she lay in her room reflecting the love that she had through the years, her daughter in law brushed her hair and then tucked her into bed. That night she fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke she heard someone call her, "`Rise up, my beloved, my fair one, and come away. For the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone.'"
 
Let me pause for a moment. Take a minute to take that in.

Just then I began to weep. Weep so much that Toby came to my side and asked if I was "okay." I told him, yes! "Well then what is wrong Autumn, why are you crying so much." "I am crying for something you can't understand. It's a girl thing," I said. But I began to ask him what his interpretation of this scripture meant to him. His answer was the same as mine before. "Well that's easy," he said, "its about two lovers who have fallen asleep in the meadow awaiting the end of a storm, perhaps, and the one calls to the other." I read the story Beth told to Toby and began crying again. I started to weep again as I explained to Toby that Song of Songs is a love letter to me.

I found a letter of "affirmation" in Song of Songs last night. A letter that reminds me I have nothing to fear, nothing to regret, nothing to doubt, because truly when we are with the King of all kings. It will be a glorious thing. Beth was right this week, women desire to be loved. We desire to be loved so much that we feel like princesses. We seek that God-given need in our husbands, our mothers, our daddies, our best friends. But truly, listen girl, listen good, WE HAVE A REAL LIFE LOVE STORY that God wrote just for us. We are the leading actress playing the part of the beautiful, beloved bride of Jesus. The intimacy we have (and can have if you don't already) with Christ is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much deeper than the physical we can begin to have in our earthly relationships.

This realization has changed me in ways many of you may or may not be able to relate. But I hope you do, somehow.

I no longer need to feel affirmed with who I thought I was. I know who I am in Christ. And only His affirmations are what counts. I am so loved. So loved that my lover beckons me to "come away with Him."

"My lover said to me, `Rise up, my beloved, my fair one, and come away. For the winter is past, and the rain is over and gone." Song of Songs 2:10-11

"My lover is mine, and I am his. He feeds among the lilies!" Song of Songs 2:16

Comes the Dawn

It wasn't long ago I sat here wondering what I had done, where I went wrong, what I had said that caused my best friend, my soul mate, to shave me out of her life. It's been over two years now since we "split" and I am still not over the hurt. Somehow I lean on God and plead with him, "If only God I praise you a little harder, will you just please bring my Amanda back." But somehow two years (more) has slipped on by and I am sitting here contemplating just how much both our lives have changed and how mending such a broken friendship would be near impossible. And though I know the cliche all too well, "Nothing is impossible with God," I am also reminded that sometimes things aren't always OF God either. Perhaps God has a bigger plan for both our lives. Perhaps twenty years later we will be willing to sacrifice a little. But for now, I am slowly gaining peace knowing this is completely out of my hands and thus control.

My client shared this poem with me this morning. Her mom had shared it with her after a loss of a best friend (not physical death, but spiritual death). I share it with you today. In hopes that just maybe you too will find peace with "that" person, that soul mate, that you feel like God took from you.

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts

And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today,

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong,

And you really do have worth.

And you learn and learn...

With every goodbye you learn.

Author: Unknown

The "F" word. Fart.

My dearest friend Rachel lost her mother before she was two. For years she has told me the stories of how the journal her mother kept carries her through tough stuff. This encouraged me years ago to start a journal for all of my children. The first, Aniela Ysabel (my precious angel). Often I write about how she inspires me and other times I just write; which usually turns into information about her childhood. But Sunday I was writing, and I couldn't help but share the things I shared with Auni, with you. If you don't giggle, I will be surprised. Enjoy.

Dear Boogie, 
     I had to write a short blip tonight before I forget. This can not go without sharing. Amidst my admiration for the astonishing growth you continue to make each day, I find myself stunned, awe-filled, or admired (not quite sure which one) of how often the small things you do remind me of how little you once were and what you are already becoming. 
   
   I remember you used to army crawl long before you walked. You never did get up on all fours. You just used to use your arms to get everywhere. Tonight, and a lot recently, I've watched as you army crawl through the living room. You do it for a laugh, I am sure. And you get one. But for that small second in time, I am reminded of how precious you were to me in those days (as if they were so long ago), and still are. You know how to make me laugh, and somehow your humor amazes me that intellectually you know exactly what you are doing! Sometimes, I honestly feel like that is a small way you show you love me. 
   
    I mustn't forget your latest joke, ahh yes, the "let me whine and sound like I am crying, and see if mommy pays attention" act. Oh yes, in all truth at first I admired your act, but now you push your limits, and sometimes I can't help but laugh at you or ignore your efforts (which doesn't take long). LOL.
   
    But perhaps the latest of your efforts might quite possibly be my secret favorite... not just because I belly laugh when you do it, but because you amaze me that intellectually you totally know what you are doing. You never amaze me anymore how after just one simple encounter with a behavior or word you can pick it up instantly. A while back you would "toot" while I changed your diaper and then you would laugh, belly laugh. :0)  Actually, I would laugh... not you. Belly laugh. :0)  And, oops, I would say that dreaded "F" word. Fart. I should have known better than to teach you that word; or say it. It just sounds too funny coming from your tiny lexical speech pattern. However, the inevitable has happened and you now purposefully "squeeze" and I mean SQUEEZE a "toot" out every time I change your diaper at night. I assume you learned fast that if you do that mommy will really laugh. And I do. Oh' do I laugh. Ps. I have now taught you to say "toot" instead of that "f" word. 
   
       I love you my precious angel.  

Beginning

So this is beginning of the journey through the B(basic) I(instructions) B(before) L(leaving) E(Earth) in ONE YEAR!

In the beginning there was God. We all know that. I know that. I accepted my salvation just shy of nine years ago. Upon that I wondered, "okay NOW WHAT?". LoL. And... that was when I was introduced to the chapter of John. Not a bad chapter to start my journey in, especially seeing how I was so on fire to learn more about who Jesus was. However, somewhere along the way, I lost a little zeal and... well lets just say the last nine years have been hit and miss when it comes to opening up the word of God. The ironic and yet somewhat surreal thing for me is that in this time I have had amazing recollection of scripture (the words, not the "actual" verse numbers).

So that is where it is all about to change. Call me optimistic (which is rare, I am usually prone to pessimism), but I have a funny feeling great things are upon us in 2011. Already we've seen God move in ways we couldn't ever imagine (i.e., Toby's new job assignment, my agreement with Sallie Mae, Aniela's health, etc.)

That being said, I see it only fit to start a journey (any journey, for that matter) AT THE BEGINNING! I am so excited about this. In conjunction with this commitment, I have also committed to Beth Moore's ministry Living Way Ministries; I will memorize, yes that's right, MEMORIZE 24 scriptures before 2012; thus making my sword sharper----

Eph 6:17

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Ps. Anyone who wants to join me, may!  Here is the link to the rules. If you want to begin with me today, here is the link to today's "verse drop".

(PS I will promote this ministry forever, because this woman is called. Her calling in life is blessed, and through it I have been blessed. I love being a part of such a community of women as this). WOW.

I am so pumped already, I started with a journal I got for Christmas (that is purple, duh, with "blessed" written all over it), my NLT (purple) Bible and of course a purple pen. Oh' yeah I pulled out my purple "message" Bible as well, just in case I want to read vs.'s differently. ROFL. But best of all, I decided I was gunna get all "educational" on myself, and started a time-line (or family tree) in the front of my journal. This is so good for me. Really it is! :)

So this is the first vs. that God gave me that really I wanted to spend sometime meditating on:

Genesis 1:27 (NLT) - God created people (man) in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male & female, he created them.

       The reason why this is a "striking" verse for me is because in this previous post, I mentioned a personal resolution to something that has plagued my life for 28 years. In a short version: I want to see myself how God sees me. I want to "give up" psychoanalyzing everything I do, and thus feeling like "crud" for everything I do. This is something that God has gradually been laying on my heart to do. I am glad He has finally delivered such desire and motivation to succeed. That being said, here are my thoughts on why this verse will be pivotal in my growth this year:

                  
        I find great comfort in knowing my place set "originally" by God was in HIS IMAGE. Void of faults, void of judgment, void of hate, and most of all void of doubt (or fear). You may see this as a huge expectation to live up to (perfect, right?), but I see it as the only answer for a cure to this insatiable disease I have let my body (spirit and mind, included) slowly consume.

I am calling for FREEDOM, and it starts at the beginning! Because, everything, everything, even God, starts at the beginning.

Christmastime 2010

Hoping the Grandparents, at least, check this one out. This is what you've been waiting for!

Photo album created with Smilebox

Love the Titones!